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This weekend it struck me: My daughter, who is just a year old, will never know a world where there hasn’t been a woman in the White House. And until the age of 41, I’ve never known a world where there has. My kids will never live in a country where there hasn’t been a…
Modern children are not allowed this close to power-tool home decor.
Parents: has it come to your attention that raising modern children seems to differ *slightly* from the child-rearing practices a generation ago? Raise your hand if you’ve heard from your parents or other assorted elders, “Well, you somehow managed to survive without (insert: bike helmet/video baby monitor/bath tub water temperature gauge/other safety device used by modern parents).” This is accompanied by an eye roll indicating how overly cautious we as a group appear to the older generation.
I’ll wait.
Ok, turns out I can’t actually see your hands in the air from here, but I’m imagining a sea of open palms swaying in unison, as during a power ballad at a Taylor Swift concert (always a truly moving display). Because the truth is, most of us who are currently parenting little ones were ourselves raised during a time with much less anxiety over child safety.
Just last month I got the eye roll from my dad when a low hanging ceiling fan posed what I felt was a decapitation risk to Nolan. Have I ever heard of a baby losing his head to a ceiling fan? No I have not. But do I want Nolan to be the first? No I do not.
An ordinary ceiling fan can appear like a guillotine to an anxious new parent. Yes, really.
What I’m not sure the Boomers understand is how difficult it would be for today’s new parents to throw caution to the wind when it comes to child safety. You see, we have the internet and aisles of parenting books telling us how the entire world is a giant death trap for our babies. To ignore the constant stream of alarming data and adopt a more casual attitude would be like parents a generation ago saying, “I know parents nowadays send their children to Kindergarten, but I’m kickin’ it old school and having MY kid go work in a factory!” Sure you may think factory work for your youngster sounds appealing, but are you really going to be the lone parent of an assembly-line toddler? Are you!?
And herein lies the problem. YOU may feel comfortable letting your 7 year old walk to the park, but are you willing to do so when that can get you arrested? Are you willing to do so with a constant barrage of media alerting you to the many sex offenders living in your community? Even for reasonable people, it’s hard to know what’s actually risky and what’s just alarmist hype from a society that’s become overly vigilant when it comes to our children.
It’s a tricky time to be a parent, my friends. Let’s review.
“Rough and tumble” youngsters
Then: On long car rides, child is sprawled out in the backseat of a station wagon, unbuckled, napping with body fully extended and one leg out the window. On short car rides child calls “shotgun” and gets the front passenger seat, even if he is only 4 years old.
Now: Child is in rear-facing car seat
Then: Swiss Army Knives were available as prizes at the arcade, and if you had enough tickets you could win assorted nunchucks for good measure. I won a little knife playing skeeball one summer when I was about 10, and it made me feel like a daring adventurer, even though I was actually a huge pansy. I think this might be important for the emotional development of sheltered suburban little girls, but I can’t prove it.
Now: All knives are banned for children, even at the dinner table, where modern toddlers are being taught to use dental floss to cut their meats for maximum safety. Sure it’s tougher to divide up a tenderloin, but there is very little risk of being mortally wounded with floss.
Then: Baby is asleep on his stomach, cozily surrounded by a petting zoo of stuffed animals, two handmade blankets, and decorative crib bumpers.
Now: Baby is asleep on his back on a rock hard mattress made in Sweden. The nursery is set at 65 degrees, ensuring a core body temperature that is optimally suited for spending the night in a muslin swaddle. The nearest comfort item is placed at least three towns away to ensure that baby’s airways remain free and clear.
Then: When I was a baby my great-aunt put sugar and a handful of rocks in my mouth to calm down my fussing.
Now: Nolan’s adult cousin gave him a Triscuit to suck on at a family party this summer and I almost shit my pants in fear. If she had given him a handful of rocks to suck on I would still be in adult diapers, having lost permanent control of my bowels due to anxiety, and I’m not even particularly overprotective.
Then: Children play in direct sunlight for 10-12 hours a day with no sunscreen
Now: No direct sunlight is allowed before the age of 12. Allowing a child into a tanning bed is the same thing as allowing a child into a brothel run by known drug dealers, because the dangers are equal.
Then: During the summer kids play freely in the woods, build forts, ride bikes without helmets, and stay out until dark without anyone batting an eye.
Now: Helmets are needed not only for bikes, but for walking to the store. Children are a maximum of 4 feet from their parents at all times, and nobody has ever heard of a fort. Unstructured play time is a myth, as it’s not possible to attend swimming, yoga, Kindermusik, Gymboree, Story Time, and Mandarin Chinese lessons and still have time to play outside.
Then: After the birth of your child you are sent home with a pat on the back.
Now: After the birth of your child you are sent home with instructions to enroll in the nearest Infant Safety Training course, a list of all of the traumas you’re likely to encounter in the first month home with a newborn, and an ulcer.
Now what should we make of all this? It’s true that the rate of SIDS has gone down since the “Back to Sleep” campaign. And I don’t think any of us would argue about the logic of bike helmets. Ditto for seat belts.
I think, maybe, that the issue is not in these advances in child-safety, but rather in the mindset that the world is a place to be feared; a place that kids are not safe on their own streets, and a place that we must protect them from rather than introduce them to.
There is a freedom of exploration that was built into our childhoods that I fear we will end up taking away altogether from our own children. And that fear may be the most dangerous thing of all, because there is something real and precious to be lost if we go too far.
So, fellow new parents: I say we keep the bike helmets and the seat belts. But maybe we also let our kids build forts in the woods, when they’re ready, on their own.
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There is nothing more fun than watching your kids make up games and imagine every wonder that the world holds for you.
I can attest to the every day fun that you (Liz) and all of your friends had every single day of your childhood. The pictures you have are still some of the most special friends in your life, and I assume always will be.
Please note….no helmets and security guards were needed in these great adventures.
It was a great way to grow up mom! I hope that Nolan gets to experience the same thing!
After riding around with Charlie the ice cream man all day, to find him the most clients and to get myself some free icecream, my mom would send me down the street to the motel vending machine to pick her up a pack of butts. The good old days!:)
Oh man do I love this comment 🙂 Ha! The best part is I believe it all to be true, yes?
Oh yeah…this ones true!
My husband and I drove all the way to North Carolina with our 2 children (ages 3 and 5)…who were in the “back-back” ( back seats folded down…) of our 1982 Chevy station wagon. They rolled around, played board games, colored, took naps, had snacks …no car seats needed! They are still alive and well!
I remember walking to Kindergarten with my best friend (alone) at the age of 5, as well as taking the bus and subway to Community Boating at the age of 12- parent free all day!!
Now I had to have a safety plan in place for my 10 year old and his friend to ride their bikes (helmets, of course) to the corner store a mile down the road. We insisted that they take a cell phone and call us when they got there and when they were about to leave, reminded them of several “safe people” that we knew that lived along the route, gave them a 30 min time frame before we would send out a search crew, and required them to check the ingredients of the lollipops they were buying to ensure that they did not contain high fructose corn syrup!!!
Haha love it JKH! This is a perfect example of the generational difference. And yet, as parents now you’d feel negligent NOT having a plan in place. Such a change in such a short amount of time!
Everything about this post is SO true (as usual) although, I’m pretty sure Adrienne and I spent more time in the basement at her parents’ house (unsupervised, of course) making up dance routines to Boys II Men and Paula Abdul songs than we spent building forts in the woods. Either way, there were zero helmets being worn while we did cartwheels and elaborate “balance beam” routines on the concrete floor… I’ll have to make it a point to remember this when Kendall starts walking-slash-doing-balance-beam-routines-on-hard-surfaces 🙂
We definitely spent considerable time jumping from piece of furniture to piece of furniture in the basement, with the goal of never touching the concrete floor. It was a recipe for head injury if there ever was one.
When my mom was a new parent 60+ years ago, her aunt advised her to apply a tiny bit of brandy to my brother’s gums, to calm him when he was teething or colicky. Mom would later use paregoric liquid for her teething children, which is tincture of OPIUM!!! I’m sure it wasn’t unusual.
It can’t sit well with parents that there aren’t seatbelts on school buses (assuming that’s still the case).
You know, I’ve thought about the seat belt thing on school buses many times – Does anyone know if that’s still the case? That would seem to fly right in the face of today’s highly cautious parenting model, no?
Both my grandfather’s gave me knives as presents and so did my dad. I believe my first knife was at age five when I was told “you never know when you’ll need this. It’s always good to be prepared. ”
Clearly, old world farmers think nothing of giving kindergarteners large pocket knives.
Also, I really took this to heart as a young person and always carried a pocket knife until I got my first social work job and got into trouble. My college professors would ask to borrow my knife to fix broken projectors and stuff (this would now get me expelled and arrested). I only stopped carrying one when a court officer in Boston Juvenile Court confiscated it and gave me a tisk, tisk kind of look. Luckily, I had my social worker badge with me!
I love that they told you “you never know when you’ll need this” 🙂 I’m sure 5 year old Mel could really do some damage in a street fight!
Funny thing is, I believe my grandpa meant, “you never know when you’ll need to cut down some grapes from the vine, cut a thread from your clothes or use this as a tooth pick.” These are all things he did regularly, as his pocket knife was very much a utensil.
My Mom ran a daycare in our home when I was growing up, so to get away from the “little kids”, we’d go for walks or bike rides that would last HOURS. We’d check in at home and head right back out. We had so much fun racing our bikes, playing in the woods, and of course buying too much candy. Our biggest concern was getting chased by a dog.
I have to second going to the store with my brother to get my parents’ cigarettes. How messed up is that, looking back?!
Oh man, I can’t imagine how people would react today if kids tried to buy smokes for their parents! That ship has most definitely sailed 🙂
Just be careful of the company you keep when you decide to experiment with free range parenting (or prepare yourself for the ole hairy eyeball).
Recently I posted a picture of my 7 year old learning to use a saw under the guidance of our contractor on FB and had to defend it against annoying relatives. I got a concerned “where are his safety goggles??!!” To which I replied “a missing eye is a sure sign of manhood!!”.
Another time I told my same 7 year old and his 7 year old cousin that they could play in “the woods” behind my mom’s house (aka the trees between their house and another house) when my brother in law gave a great big “no! No! There are ticks and bugs out there!!”
Its like, come on, cant my one eyed child contract lyme disease without everyone on my back??
That’s right Chrissie, why can’t people just leave your one-eyed tick bitten child alone?! It’s like, BACK OFF people!