The CDC recently made a bold recommendation, which I will paraphrase below:
“If you think you might have a uterus, you should avoid being in the same building as alcohol. To be really safe, avoid social events where others are drinking, because your uterus can detect the proximity of alcohol and might absorb airborne particles of certain merlots, which it can then use to poison a fetus you’re not actually carrying but may carry at some point in the next 20 years. Better safe than sorry!”
Now let me start by saying that I feel super comfortable with this recommendation. I have always wanted to live my life as a Quaker, but I’ve never had Science to further push me toward this lifestyle choice. Yesterday was my lucky day! Thank you CDC!
If you’re anything like me you are pretty sure you own a uterus, or else you know somebody who does. The point is there are a LOT of uteruses freely walking the streets right now, able to have an afternoon cocktail at a moment’s notice. Some of these uteruses even go to Happy Hours! How have we let this go unchecked for so long?
That’s the real question here.
In light of our new hyper-vigilance over non-existent fetuses, I think it would be only prudent to add a further recommendation to the CDC website. For the children.
I propose that men of child-producing age (which goes to what, like 70 or so?) not be allowed to ride in motor vehicles. Do you have any idea how many sperm all of those men are carrying around with them on a given day? BILLIONS AND BILLIONS! And have you even seen how dangerous the roads are?? Ladies, those sperm cruising in the fast lane down I-95 are OUR future children! Are we just going to sit back and allow this?
I don’t think so.
I am more than happy to give up drinking for 25 years or so. As long as men agree to stay off the streets where they can keep their sperm safe.
It just makes good sense.
I’ve seen so much BS in the comments on articles about this, many along the lines of “No one is ENTITLED to drink” and “It’s really sad if you’re so dependent on alcohol that you think you need a drink”. As if it’s not bad enough that we’re already being policed when we’re visibly pregnant, now we’re going to be policed because we maybe, possibly COULD become pregnant? It’s insanity. If anyone would ever put out legit blanket advisements like that for men, you’d never hear the end of it, the government is CLEARLY infringing on our personal freedom. Think of how many people have been up in arms over Bloomberg’s various health-related measures in NYC. This, IMO, is way beyond that.
And clearly none of those people who are quick to claim that booze isn’t necessary have toddlers.
Glad to see you back.
Erin! Yes, it’s the idea that if you *might* at some point become pregnant you should never drink that they are losing me. Clearly if you think you may be pregnant caution is wise, but COME ON. Also, if the goal is to educate the public, then it really bothers me that they don’t discuss AT ALL the reality of the menstrual cycle. It’s not like you can become pregnant every day of the year. I think at my age the fertile window each month is about 72 hours! Understanding your cycle would be a good place to start before becoming a teetotaler….
It’s great to see you back and posting!
Thanks! I am still taking a break for family stuff, but this was too much to pass up 🙂
awesome small reprieve….
I’m so happy to see you back too. My heart lightens when I see Mothership Down blog in my inbox. I will be here whenever you come back. My best for you and the family.
Aw, thanks BJ!
Personally I’d rather see the CDC make the recommendation that all men of post-child-having status abstain from drinking, since I’m *pretty* sure domestic violence affects more children than a glass (or three) of Chardonnay during the first month (or any month) of pregnancy…
Amen sister!
Love to see a post here from you, and that you’re still hanging on to that wicked sense of humor. Many thanks and a big hug!
LOVE this post! FYI Quakers do procreate, I think you’re thinking of Shakers! (I was raised Quaker — the two are VERY different but are often confused because of the name.) 🙂
Haha, I know Quakers procreate but I thought they didn’t drink? Maybe that’s wrong…I got that intel from a google search 🙂
Shit I actually had a glass of wine occasionally when I KNEW I was pregnant. Good thing I’m over here in London where Social Services can’t reclaim my child. Though without wine, I don’t know that I should be allowed to keep my children!
OK I’m confused. On a certain level I agree that this feels like overkill and placing a biased burden on women regarding responsibility and having kids.
However I did go read the recommendations on the CDC website and they explicitly state several times that they are referring to sexually active women who are not using any form of contraception or family planning. Now I’m not a statistician but I have always figured if you have plenty of unprotected nooky you can make a reasonable assumption that you will become pregnant. And if you make that assumption then maybe it is reasonable to assume your pregnancy is pending when deciding if you should drink.
Totally, I see your point. I think it was the presentation of the whole thing, and how over zealous the wording was. It makes complete sense not to drink if you know you’ve had unprotected sex during your fertile phase. But if you pay attention to your cycle you know if you might be pregnant or not, based on when you had sex – and if pregnancy is a possibility of course prudence is warranted. The CDC recommendation just didn’t have any nuance to it, and stating that you shouldn’t drink AT ALL if you’re not on birth control seems over the top to me. Caution if you may be pregnant is smart.
So glad you are posting again! Although, you’re now informing me that since I have a uterus and am still within a child birthing age range I can no longer even think of alcohol for the harm it may cause, perhaps I will no longer be reading your blog 🙂
But seriously, welcome back! Your views on motherhood and parenting made me laugh so hard when I discovered your blog while pregnant. You’re perspective is consistently the perfect tone (hilarious, beautifully written and sometimes heartbreaking) depending on the piece) and your blog prepped me for a lot of things to expect once my little one was born. Liger Moms!
Aw thanks for this nice comment Ashley! Ligers Unite!!