I’ve been keeping something from you, and I can’t hide it any longer. You’ve already met thrifty Liz, and incompetent hostess Liz, and mom-dating pro Liz. So you do kind of know me. However. There is a whole other Liz that you haven’t met yet. And that is “home designer lunatic Liz.”
Nice to meet you.
For years I’ve fancied myself an interior decorating enthusiast/savant. I know, I know, it surprises me as much as it surprises you. How, you may be saying, can someone who can’t make a lasagna and who doesn’t separate out the whites in her laundry possibly be adept at home design? How can a woman who has never learned how to operate her (very complicated) vacuum cleaner have the skill set to coordinate her paint colors to her table runners? It doesn’t add up!
Oh, don’t I know it.
The thing is, I crave an ATTRACTIVE house. I do not care about things actually being clean or even particularly functional. Windows leaking in cold air and spiking up our heating bill? No problem, as long as we have some lovely window treatments and soft natural light. Giant hole in our bathroom wall? Totally fine by me as long as it’s covered by a photograph that is hung perfectly straight. If that photo is askew, we have a problem. Otherwise, the hole can stay there forever, as far as I’m concerned.
I’m just going to come right out and say it, and you can think I’m bragging, but I tell you it’s true:
I can stage the shit out of a house.
That’s the good news.
The bad news is that home designer Liz is a total head case, and poor Brian has to live with her. I would argue, though, that he does benefit from this specific brand of lunacy, because he gets to LIVE IN A WELL DECORATED HOUSE. And isn’t that the point? Isn’t that the dream? It didn’t just get so attractive and cozy on its own. All I’m sayin’.
Cozy or not, I’ll concede that I’m a maniac when design is on the line, and it’s confounding to a non-maniac like Brian. For example, if we’re setting up a temporary space – say, a spare room that we’ll be turning into a bedroom in the very near future – I’ll still feel the need to have the temporary room entirely staged with throw pillows, a variety of textiles and linens and area rugs and a full wall photo display. Oh, and chenille. Always chenille.
Thank you, Home Goods, for all these frames and assorted tchotchkes. I am an addict and you, Home Goods, are my dealer.
Once I have my mind set on a “design” I will attack it with a rabid tenacity. I WILL NOT be dissuaded. This has led to fights with Brian over, say, the need for a new kitchen table when we already have a “perfectly good and functional table” when all I can see is that the dark wood tone and modern legs of our “functional table” do not match the country chic vision in designer-Liz’s rabid little mind. It’s a sickness, I’ll admit.
So, it is with GREAT ENTHUSIASM that I tell you that we are remodeling our house! Our 1890s Victorian is currently a full blown demolition site. This is my dream come true. Designer Liz has been wanting to knock down a wall since the first moment I walked into our house. I love the character of a Victorian – the original wood floors, the crown molding, the built -ins. But you know what else I love? Knocking things down!
Which brings me to this:
Goodbye, load bearing wall. Thanks for doing the heavy lifting for the past 125 years.
We’re opening up the first floor so that we have one large family room/kitchen combo (nothing says Victorian era like no walls). And we are adding a gas fireplace! And I’ll be decorating a new playroom for Nolan, in what was our TV room! Boom! Boom! Boom! It is going to be AWESOME because I will be harnessing all of the energy of Pinterest and HGTV combined and the results will be terrifyingly magnificent.
And I know that I usually write about baby-related things, but I also know that I won’t be able to contain my enthusiasm over the ripping apart of my home, and I’ll need to share it with you. Because you know what happens once the demo is done? Home designer lunatic Liz gets to start all over again with decorating! I will have a blank canvas for my madness, and I am bound to implode if I can’t discuss this with you.
Stay tuned for design plans/late night confessionals during which I forget to eat and sleep (ok, I would never forget to eat, let’s get real) because I am too busy setting up my new bookshelves, which will not entail merely putting books on shelves, but which will involve arranging my prettiest books at the most attractive angle possible, bracketed by whimsical knickknacks so that our house is ideally mistaken for a quaint gift shop.
I can’t WAIT!
Come on in, squirrels. We’re wide open.
Oh, and I will be open to ideas and suggestions because this is the internet, where 99% of ideas are good ones. BRING THEM ON!
I can attest to the fact that Liz can, as she said, stage the shit out of a house. I can’t wait to see this!!!
Thanks buddy! You focus on making things structurally sound, and I’ll focus on color coordinating dish towels. Together we would make a dream team.
That sound you hear is the death rattle of our budget…and possibly my sanity
Buckle up Brian. There’s no getting off this crazy train.
Who the heck separates their laundry in this day and age? Between detergents these and the warm cycle, why bother?
I’m super excited for your reno!! We bought a house that’s less than 20 years old and while the space is nice, there’s zero charm. A thoroughly renovated OLD house is what I live for, so I for one can’t wait to see what you do with it.
And the gas fireplace? Heaven. We got ours while I was pregnant, which may explain my abnormal attachment to it. Maybe.
Erin – that makes me happy that you’re not even supposed to separate out the whites nowadays! See, I didn’t even know that! Although I’m definitely still doing something wrong, because I manage to ruin items in almost every load of laundry still.
But who cares because, home reno! I totally agree on the appeal of an old house. I want to make sure we keep the charm, but I still want the more open layout. We’ll see how this goes. There’s no turning back now….Woohoo!
Tell this to my whites (now greys)…
Love it! Such a funny post and I can totally relate because in my other life I was an interior decorator! Good luck and have fun. Looking forward to future posts!
Separating laundry?! You’re funny.
You were an interior decorator Joanne!?!? Man that is awesome. I often think I could have been an interior decorator, but then I remember how many times I paint and re-paint my walls, and how many return trips I have to make to TJ Maxx because I bought the wrong item, and then I think maybe I should just stick to decorating my own house.
Painting and re-painting is your genetics Liz-your mom and dad paint more than anyone I know, including my mother which you know is quite a feat.
That’s a really good point. I wasn’t even thinking of this in terms of my bloodlines. But clearly I was genetically predisposed to this…
Haha this is great… something tells me you are going to become an ace at making lasagna and hosting dinner parties once you have that amazing new kitchen/living room combo! I see a combo baby/cooking/home renovation show in your future… “Life-hacks with Liz!” – Saturday mornings on HGTV! #idwatchtheshitoutofthat
Oh my God, Mer, yes!! That is the show I want. Can you just produce it for me? I could wear my liger mom sweatshirt and casually hold my baby in one arm while making a soufflé with my free arm. All with the backdrop of my lovely open concept first floor. Sure I won’t look as hot as Nicole Curtis, but she won’t have a liger mom sweatshirt, so we will be even.
hahahaha I’m pretty sure my dream job would be to incorporate Liger Mom Productions (with your permission of course) and produce such a show for you but I’m not quite a millionaire yet… I’m working on that though… the more often you play the lotto, the better your chances of winning, right?
Yeah I think if you play the lotto every day you almost definitely strike it rich sooner or later. That’s how it works. #gamblingiswise
Nice! Ignore the dust and debris, which is truly temporary, and focus on the end result. I’m sure it’ll be spectacular. Can’t wait to see!
Help me, Liz! We are renovating too and with my 1 year old, I have no time to get the paint palette right! I went last week and babe was eating samples, knocking down cans and farting loudly! I just need to pick the paint ONCE and my husband needs to do it! He is putting in extremely light ash hardwood floors. What color do you suggest we do the living room/fire place to compliment? We have a deep red sofa and natural wood furnishings… Asking you for advice, bc hey (compared to me) you seem to have your shit together, haha!
Liz, email me a photo of the room at amothershipdown@gmail.com and I’ll see if I have any suggestions! Not that you should necessarily trust me though – I think getting paint colors right is super hard, and I have redone rooms that I’ve botched!
Should you update your wedding vows now that Liz is a mommy, blogger and lunatic redesigner? It might be wise, to have a framework for going forward (pun intended)..
Really wise, LP. We need to get something in writing that accounts for my design-induced mental instability.
HAHAHA. This is so awesome! Best of luck with the new renovation. Can’t wait to see the after pics. Please keep a running tally of how many small animals sneak in through that window, and try not to lose Nolan in the rubble!
I also love knocking things down. We tackled DIY projects in almost every room of our former home… Then we finished and moved in April because we needed more space. Go figure! I’m itching to start again in our new house but it will be a while!
I will for sure keep track of the small animals that sneak into our home. I’m hoping to start a small petting zoo come spring.
Are you for hire? I need some help staging.
I am sadly not for hire but I really want to be for hire. Not in a prostitute type of way, but in a “stager on the road” type of way. My dad and I even came up with a tagline for our non-existent home staging business. It would be called “Exit Stage Right” for people who need to stage their home in order to put it on the market. Not bad huh?