I’ve been keeping something from you, and I can’t hide it any longer. You’ve already met thrifty Liz, and incompetent hostess Liz, and mom-dating pro Liz. So you do kind of know me. However. There is a whole other Liz that you haven’t met yet. And that is “home designer lunatic Liz.”
Nice to meet you.
For years I’ve fancied myself an interior decorating enthusiast/savant. I know, I know, it surprises me as much as it surprises you. How, you may be saying, can someone who can’t make a lasagna and who doesn’t separate out the whites in her laundry possibly be adept at home design? How can a woman who has never learned how to operate her (very complicated) vacuum cleaner have the skill set to coordinate her paint colors to her table runners? It doesn’t add up!
Oh, don’t I know it.
The thing is, I crave an ATTRACTIVE house. I do not care about things actually being clean or even particularly functional. Windows leaking in cold air and spiking up our heating bill? No problem, as long as we have some lovely window treatments and soft natural light. Giant hole in our bathroom wall? Totally fine by me as long as it’s covered by a photograph that is hung perfectly straight. If that photo is askew, we have a problem. Otherwise, the hole can stay there forever, as far as I’m concerned.
I’m just going to come right out and say it, and you can think I’m bragging, but I tell you it’s true:
I can stage the shit out of a house.
That’s the good news.
The bad news is that home designer Liz is a total head case, and poor Brian has to live with her. I would argue, though, that he does benefit from this specific brand of lunacy, because he gets to LIVE IN A WELL DECORATED HOUSE. And isn’t that the point? Isn’t that the dream? It didn’t just get so attractive and cozy on its own. All I’m sayin’.
Cozy or not, I’ll concede that I’m a maniac when design is on the line, and it’s confounding to a non-maniac like Brian. For example, if we’re setting up a temporary space – say, a spare room that we’ll be turning into a bedroom in the very near future – I’ll still feel the need to have the temporary room entirely staged with throw pillows, a variety of textiles and linens and area rugs and a full wall photo display. Oh, and chenille. Always chenille.
Once I have my mind set on a “design” I will attack it with a rabid tenacity. I WILL NOT be dissuaded. This has led to fights with Brian over, say, the need for a new kitchen table when we already have a “perfectly good and functional table” when all I can see is that the dark wood tone and modern legs of our “functional table” do not match the country chic vision in designer-Liz’s rabid little mind. It’s a sickness, I’ll admit.
So, it is with GREAT ENTHUSIASM that I tell you that we are remodeling our house! Our 1890s Victorian is currently a full blown demolition site. This is my dream come true. Designer Liz has been wanting to knock down a wall since the first moment I walked into our house. I love the character of a Victorian – the original wood floors, the crown molding, the built -ins. But you know what else I love? Knocking things down!
Which brings me to this:
We’re opening up the first floor so that we have one large family room/kitchen combo (nothing says Victorian era like no walls). And we are adding a gas fireplace! And I’ll be decorating a new playroom for Nolan, in what was our TV room! Boom! Boom! Boom! It is going to be AWESOME because I will be harnessing all of the energy of Pinterest and HGTV combined and the results will be terrifyingly magnificent.
And I know that I usually write about baby-related things, but I also know that I won’t be able to contain my enthusiasm over the ripping apart of my home, and I’ll need to share it with you. Because you know what happens once the demo is done? Home designer lunatic Liz gets to start all over again with decorating! I will have a blank canvas for my madness, and I am bound to implode if I can’t discuss this with you.
Stay tuned for design plans/late night confessionals during which I forget to eat and sleep (ok, I would never forget to eat, let’s get real) because I am too busy setting up my new bookshelves, which will not entail merely putting books on shelves, but which will involve arranging my prettiest books at the most attractive angle possible, bracketed by whimsical knickknacks so that our house is ideally mistaken for a quaint gift shop.
I can’t WAIT!
Oh, and I will be open to ideas and suggestions because this is the internet, where 99% of ideas are good ones. BRING THEM ON!