• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
A Mothership Down
  • Baby Sleep
    • The 4 Month Sleep Regression SUCKS!
    • Sleep Training Our 7 Month Old: What Were We Waiting For?
    • Should You Ever Wake a Sleeping Baby?
    • Improve Naps at Daycare
    • How to Make Nap Transitions As Smooth As Possible
  • Parenting
  • Reading
  • Kids Science
    • 5 Minute Fizzy Fun Jar
    • Liquid Density Experiment: Color Explosion in a Jar
    • Water Suspension Science Experiment for Kids
    • Lava Layers! Liquid Density Science Experiment
    • 10 Quick + Simple STEM Activities for Kindergarten
  • Babywearing
  • Recommendations
  • about
    • Who Am I?
    • New Visitors
    • Awards
    • Work With Me
    • Contact Me
    • Disclosure Policy
menu icon
go to homepage
search icon
Homepage link
  • Baby Sleep
    • The 4 Month Sleep Regression SUCKS!
    • Sleep Training Our 7 Month Old: What Were We Waiting For?
    • Should You Ever Wake a Sleeping Baby?
    • Improve Naps at Daycare
    • How to Make Nap Transitions As Smooth As Possible
  • Parenting
  • Reading
  • Kids Science
    • 5 Minute Fizzy Fun Jar
    • Liquid Density Experiment: Color Explosion in a Jar
    • Water Suspension Science Experiment for Kids
    • Lava Layers! Liquid Density Science Experiment
    • 10 Quick + Simple STEM Activities for Kindergarten
  • Babywearing
  • Recommendations
  • about
    • Who Am I?
    • New Visitors
    • Awards
    • Work With Me
    • Contact Me
    • Disclosure Policy
×
You are here: Home / All Posts / Facebook Moms’ Groups: Always Supportive, Never Nasty!

Facebook Moms’ Groups: Always Supportive, Never Nasty!

Published June 11, 2015. Last updated November 16, 2019 by Liz. This post may contain affiliate links.

For everyone in the early stages of raising children, listen up: You’re a parent now! No more time for fooling around like a jackass on Twitter. You now need to devote 100% of your time to fooling around like a jackass on Facebook. That’s where the other parents are.

You may be a little overwhelmed by the enormity of your new task. There are *literally one million decisions you will be required to make as a parent, all in the first year. So how do you decide what kind of parent you’ll be? Is there a process? Is there a strategy? Who is the expert on dairy?!?

IMG_9876

When it comes to parenting advice, under no circumstance do you want to listen to the people you trust and love most in the world. Deduct credibility points for anyone who has actually met you or your child.

No, your very best resources are the randoms you meet in Facebook groups. These people have “done the research” so they are well equipped to guide you. These online communities are intellectual centers, much like Cambridge, where great thinkers from Harvard and MIT meet to discuss foreign policy. Only they are better because your Facebook friends most likely don’t have advanced degrees in anything related to what you are asking about. What they do have are opinions on food coloring and its link to adult criminal behavior. It’s ideal!

This almost goes without saying, but things never turn ugly on Facebook. Nobody ever accuses anyone of being a lazy or terrible parent, or of mutilating their child through circumcision, or poisoning their baby with formula or mentally abusing their child by allowing 5 minutes of crying in the crib. That never happens because Facebook groups are NICE!

Ahem.

To sharpen your parenting instincts you’re also going to want to rely heavily on memes. Memes are like visual encyclopedias of knowledge conveniently scattered across the internet, and very prevalent in mom groups. When you find one that is applicable to your worldview you should immediately grab it, repost it, and make it your mantra. Some memes start with phrases such as “Bitches be like” and incorporate whimsical cat imagery. These are the most useful.

Unless your mother can speak in meme, disregard any advice she has to offer. It’s not like she ever raised a child! Hang up on your mother and jump back onto Facebook.

Scroll down your newsfeed.

Do any buzzwords catch your eye? Free-range parenting? Big pharma? Intactivist? CIO? Herd immunity? Co-sleeping? Seek out these and similar terms. They are like flickering beacons of light drawing you in to intelligent conversations that are happening all around the virtual world.

Next, join a shit ton of Facebook groups. The more impersonal your connection the better. In every group you join, immediately post pictures of your child’s most pressing rash/injury. People love that. In fact, if you are trying to make any medical decision whatsoever for your child, it’s important to start with the feedback of the online community.

(Tip: Always include photos. Make sure they are pretty gross so anyone looking at Facebook at the dinner table will vomit).

Wait for a response. You won’t have to wait long, at least three hundred people will write back to you within 4-5 minutes with a range of advice. You can rest easy knowing that many if not most Facebook users have advanced medical degrees. Pick the advice that validates what you already wanted to do. Now go do it. See? Decision made. Great job!

For inquiries on topics that are heated, it’s best if you post on secret Facebook groups. These are great because they serve as tell-all centers, with participants apparently believing that whatever is said in the very hallowed ground of these groups is, actually, completely confidential and can never be used against you in a court of law. Proceed with reckless abandon.

When it comes to questions regarding family planning, competitive athletics for minors, and beauty/showmanship you have a few televised options from which to seek guidance. Namely Dance Moms and Honey Boo Boo. Until recently I would have included 19 Kids and Counting but I think we can all agree that we’re not super comfortable with the Duggars right now. If you enjoy the Real Housewives franchise, then by all means, carry on with those gals.

These shows feature slice of life portraits of regular moms doing regular things. You can extrapolate what you learn there and apply it to your at-home parenting policies if you can remember that what you see on tv is the same thing as real life only with more flattering lighting. Think of these moms as your new friends.

Note: Even while you are watching tv you should still have your Facebook newsfeed in plain site. This is only good sense. You never know when the next nugget of parenting gold is going to fly past your face.

Don’t take any chances. Stay alert. You’ve got this.

*not literally

A version of this post originally ran on BLUNTmoms.

Come hang out on Facebook! Remember, that’s where the parents are 🙂

Filed Under: All Posts, Parenting

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Rachael Boley

    June 11, 2015 at 10:11 am

    Oh yes! Preach! This was awesome!

    Reply
    • Liz

      June 11, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      Haha thanks! When I first had my son I seriously couldn’t even believe what I was reading in these groups half the time!

      Reply
  2. Kristine @MumRevised

    June 11, 2015 at 11:40 am

    Snort laugh complete.

    Reply
    • Liz

      June 11, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      My job is done. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Manasi Chadha

    June 12, 2015 at 3:55 am

    Completely agree! I still remember how I cross checked and double checked everything from diapers rash creams to nursing tips to baby hiccups online. The social support groups are reassuring and strangely feels good to rely on their advice rather than the same stuff being repeated by folks at home!

    Reply
  4. Pasca

    June 19, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Thanks for keeping it real, real and very funny.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. I'm Tired of All the Noise on the Internet says:
    June 25, 2015 at 8:52 am

    […] Facebook Moms’ Groups: Always Supportive, Never Nasty! […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

  • Bloglovin
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Welcome to the Mothership!

Hi! I'm Liz, mom to 3 young kids. Like all of you, I have tons of free time on my hands to ponder the complexities of motherhood. Ok I have almost no time, these kids are taking me down. I write this blog to find camaraderie with the rest of you in the trenches. Welcome! Read More…

SEARCH

Popular Posts

The 50 Best Books for Toddlers

The 50 Best Books for Toddlers

I'm Glad We Knew

It Was an Early Loss. But I’m Glad We Knew.

mom and son

To The Parents Who Don’t Feel Like They Can Get It All Done

sleeping baby

In The Nursery, Where Time Stands Stills

Footer

Disclaimer

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Privacy Policy

You can find our Privacy Policy here.

Copyright © 2023 A Mothership Down on the Foodie Pro Theme