Kate Middleton, I’ve always liked you.
I mean this – you seem like a regular kind of girl. Like someone I would want to get a beer with. Like someone who would prefer to be wearing sweatpants on the day you eject a human being from your womb, rather than a white and yellow number by Jenny Packham.
(That dress is lovely, by the way).
From one regular girl to another, I just have to say it: How the #$#*%# are you wearing that outfit right now?! Were they doing your makeup during contractions, or did they wait until someone cut the cord? Did you give birth at a salon?
What? How? When?
Every mother knows that for days (DAYS!) after you give birth every trip to the bathroom is a
walk limp through a bloody battlefield. Literally. I was constipated, bloated, and tethered to a catheter for a week after delivering, and you just stepped out of a resort, it appears.
I mean, you look fantastic (better than I looked on my wedding day if I’m being honest). But Kate, we all know that nobody in their right mind should have to get done up like that hours after a newborn barreled out the southern exit. It’s just not humane. Forget the royal crown, I’m pretty sure you’re still having flashbacks from the royal crowning.
You deserve a few days off.
Now go take off that WHITE DRESS (seriously, stylists – a WHITE DRESS on the day she GIVES BIRTH? Is that even a joke??) and sit on a bag of ice. Enjoy some granny panties. Don’t even worry about your makeup, because you are lovely and I think you can pull off the natural look for 48 hours without the Royal Palace crumbling.
I can’t imagine that these mesh numbers would sit very well under a form-fitting Jenny Packham dress.
General Public: Give Kate a break! Let her snuggle her baby girl. She’s just evicted a human from the B&B of her womb, remember? She’s earned a day off.
(Congratulations Kate and William!)
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Oh Kate – somehow despite your perfection, I don’t hate you. And I bet she’s rocking some grannies under that dress.
Totally. I really like Kate for some reason. She appeals to me. And I would like to think she’s rocking the mesh grannies.
I am sorry, but how ridiculous is your logic? Kate is obviously not being FORCED to get her hair and makeup done and squeeze into tights, heels, and a partially white dress mere hours after giving birth … she obviously CHOSE to do so. If you think Kate is not vain and constantly worried about her appearance, you need to take some time and watch video of her, vs. simply looking at photos. She is always primping her hair, even while holding a newborn. She looked amazing for just giving birth — and that is exactly what she wanted.
Ahh, ok. I hadn’t given this very deep thought to be honest. I’m just joking around. As far as watching videos of Kate to determine how vain she is, ain’t nobody got time for that! I will say, though, that even if she does primp in public like you’re saying she does, I’m SURE there is pressure on her to look good. I bet a lot of people would feel like they had to primp if the world was watching them. And I bet the girl would prefer to be comfy at home hours after delivering a baby. But I’m not royalty (yet!) so who knows.
so negative! she wasn’t primping, she was getting the hair out of her face. it was a windy day and it was blowing in her face.
As a matter of fact she is being forced. She HAS to maintain a certain look, attitude, and presentation of herself by marrying who she did. She is required to be primed and primed…..there is no way she would have been allowed to walk out of the hospital Mike 90% of normal moms….
Love this – She looks amazing and is full of class! I scooted from a wheel chair into my car – so she gets some major credit here!
Yes, she is a class act!
haters gonna hate! I can’t believe the angst in this article. First of all, every woman is different – I had a cesection and was walking the next day, and yes, I also put a little eye shadow on. Not every woman will feel the same. I say “Rock on” Kate – if she didn’t get made up everyone would be chiding her for looking like crap. It’s time to start lifting women up together instead of tearing them down. Why not just say “congrats, Kate – you look fantastic. Better than I did after I had my baby!” And that’s okay! Bc every woman is different!
Nicole I feel like you missed the point of this. I love Kate! She looks amazing. I don’t know where you are seeing anyone being torn down – the article was written as humor imagining what Kate herself might be thinking about having to get dressed up so soon after delivery. I think that she looks great and I can’t imagine how she pulled it off. And trust me, there is zero angst in this article. It is written tongue in cheek, and by no means am I hating on Kate. I am a fan of hers actually.
Not only did she wear (rocked) that dress but also high heels–when I had my kids I could barely walk straight for a week–however, we’re all different and had different experiences giving birth–she looks amazing and she is a gorgeous woman–hopefully after she got home she went straight to wear pj’s and relax in bed…Gorgeous baby!
Oh please, she was standing and looked good, but you know she went straight to bed rest as soon as she got home.
Great article Liz!
I learn so many American “way of sayings”:)
I couldn’t find any critic in what you wrote, you just simply stated the truth in such a humorous way!
You have one more fan!:)
Thanks Patrizia! I appreciate it! And yeah I am not meaning to criticize Kate at all! I love her. And if I were royalty I’m sure I’d look just like her 😉
This article has me laughing so hard… I had K the day after Prince George was born so I was still in the hospital when Kate & William were doing this “stand and wave” thing the first time. I just looked at the TV in shock from my hospital bed and the midwife in the room with me just calmly goes “She may look great but you and I both know that her vagina hurts JUST as much as yours does right now…” – I laughed so hard I’m pretty sure I peed myself (but then again, I’ll never know lol). Great post Liz!
hahaha! Great comment!
Mer this is awesome. I want your midwife.
Great piece! I can’t stop laughing at the reference to the ‘royal crowning’! I know that some people seemed jealous that she looked amazing so soon after childbirth, but I think that we should instead be grateful that we aren’t held to those standards! I don’t mean to brag, but I got to wear TWO of the deluxe maxipads in my mesh underwear when I left the hospital. Yup, I was THAT sexy! Thanks for a great article!
Karen I love it! TWO deluxe maxipads sure does double the sexy!
Seriously! I know it’s her job and she is doing a great job at princessing, but I would have LOVED if just this time she flat-out refused. Would it have been so bad to release an official portrait a week later? I live in London and literally no one cares. I hate that she had to be another celebrity forced to show off a post-baby (is this even post???) body with full hair and makeup.
Randi, I really like the word “princessing.” I want to start working that into my everyday language 🙂