Now and again I make a little hobby of checking out the search terms that people use to find my blog. It’s illuminating and also disturbing, this peek behind the curtains, much like a colonoscopy.
I’ll say this right off the bat: It would be impossible not to notice that a disproportionate number of the search terms leading to me involve boobs. I don’t consider cleavage to be one of my signature topics, but who am I to argue with the internet?
The search terms that are directing traffic my way should probably make me consider that I may be reaching the wrong target audience with the blog. It seems that my mom blog is getting mistaken for erotica. Huh. I’m either doing something wrong or something very, very right. It’s all about perspective, people.
For your enjoyment, here are some of the search terms that have led readers to this blog during the past few weeks:
- “sexy mom punny natty must sexy Facebook” (This may be my favorite. So much is happening in this one phrase. It’s a riddle wrapped in a rhyme cross-dressing as an enigma.)
- “hair boy loves photos” (Actually, this does apply to Nolan. Fair game on this one.)
- “does Nicole Eggert remodel houses” (No! Nicole CURTIS is the hot girl who remodels houses. Nicole EGGERT is the hot girl from Charles in Charge. They are basically identical except Nicole Curtis carries power tools. Easy mistake, and glad Nolan and I could help clear this up.)
- “mom circumcised pool” (I got nothing. WTF could this person be searching for?? Maybe she wants a poolside circumcision for her son? I don’t think that’s a thing.)
- “living in your eyeball” (I never live in my eyeball. Do you guys? Sometimes I live for my stomach but never for or in my eyeball)
- “foot big boobs breastfeeding baby tiger” (A lot of things seem to be happening here. For the record I never have and never will breastfeed a baby tiger.)
- “what to do when u bored for the summer but ain’t no pool” (I ain’t got no pool and I ain’t got no plan for u.)
- “yeah I feel obligated to remind you what a piece of shit you are” (Well, ok. I try to keep this blog friendly, but if you feel obligated to issue this reminder you must have good reasons. I must say, though, that this doesn’t seem like a search term so much as it sounds like a pure declaration.)
- “Boob milk on panic” (Hmmm. I’m at a loss. Maybe they meant “boob milk at picnic”? Because everyone knows boob milk is popular at picnics.)
- “Why infant dazzling in sleep” (Not sure about your kid, but mine is dazzling in sleep because he is part unicorn.)
- “Fred Geheb” (Hello Fred! Fred is my long-time neighbor and like a second father to me. I have no idea how someone googling Fred’s name got sent to my blog, but I’m sure glad to have you, whoever you are. Unless you’re one of the perverts who is also googling things like “sexy mom punny natty must sexy Facebook.” In which case, beat it, creep!)
- “Looky at those boobs” (Nothing to see here folks. Move along. You’re barking up the wrong torso.)
- “All boobs” (I get it, Internet, You’re a boob man.)
Thanks! Ineeded that laugh this morning!!
That’s what I’m here for Joanne, that’s what I’m here for. Me and all the internet creeps.
Google search: “Liz so funny knew her before she had boobs”
Oh man I would LOVE it if I discovered this under my search terms! Haha!
Having had a blog in the past, I was always curious how people got there, and would see these crazy search terms. This is hiarious, love it! Great laugh for the AM! 🙂
Thanks Evi! Yeah I had no idea about this until I started the blog. It’s a little side bonus for me…
laughed so hard, I cried a little.
Nice! I sometimes cry when I laugh, but it’s better than when I was younger, because in my youth I would routinely pee when I laughed. So much so that when I would visit my funny friend Mary’s house my mom would line the backseat of our car with newspaper so that I wouldn’t get the seats wet with my urine on the ride home.
Ha! So the google search demonstrates, to me, that you have an eclectic audience.. Nothing wrong with diversity, But can people keep it clean… There are some creepy interesting people out there. Glad you are telling them how it is, laughed the entire time..thanks!
That’s right Lulu, we are all about diversity here at A Mothership Down!
Oh man, I giggled. Perhaps also because I do search marketing IRL for my job. Fun fact – many of these people likely came from search engines other than Google (like Bing! or Yahoo!), because the Googs no longer shares keyword data with us common folk if whoever was searching was signed into their Google account. Or searching with secure settings. So anyway, think about who actually uses Bing.
Now that you know way more than you wanted to about search, please go back to your laughing.
Casey, this was a far more informative comment than I ever could have dreamed of. Maybe my new tagline will be “A Mothership Down – A Place to Learn and Laugh.” 🙂
Oh and also – I have no idea what Bing is! It’s hard for me to remember I run a blog, since the internet is continuously so confusing to me.
The internet constantly confuses us all. Even us “professionals.”
These are hysterical… I had no idea you could get this information and I agree it is both funny and creepy at the same time! I will continue to tell everyone I know about your blog so that they don’t have to use creepy search terms to find it! Also, thanks for the search info lesson Casey… my work browser reroutes automatically to Bing! and it’s super annoying!
I kind of want to go the other way with this, which is to start peppering more of my posts with creepy phrases and innuendos in hopes of having more weirdos stumble upon me when they enter their creepy search terms…
Haha! You could just add a section to the end of every post… call it something like “creepy corner” and just put random funny/creepy words but be sure to include “gotchya!” as one of them… you know, so the creeps understand what’s going on!
Yes! I will try to apprehend creeps like they do on the TV show where they have the reporter show up to bust guys who think they’re meeting with under age girls. I’m turning this blog into a sting operation.
The internet constantly confuses us all. Even us “professionals.” And Mer, I can show you how to change that if you want…
Thanks for the giggles this morning! Good way to start my day 🙂
On behalf of myself and the weirdo searching for “living in your eyeball”, you’re welcome.
Reading your recollection about “funny friend Mary’s house,” I think we all should live life so our epitaph reads, “Laughed til I peed.”
HAHAAH!!! I think l might laugh til I pee!
Ah, internet… You’re so weird.