Well East Coasters, I hope you’re enjoying this, the Blizzard(s) of 2015. I love “crippling” and “historic” snow events as much as the next person. No, scratch that, I love them MORE than the next person because I get to experience them with my toddler! Sharing this winter wonderland with my child guarantees 24 hours of unbridled wonder and pure, awesome joy. Also, migraines.
It is a little known fact that toddlers are the most dynamic company one can have when escape from your home is not an option. Stockholm syndrome may or may not have something to do with this. Still, forced confinement with a person too young to control their own bowels requires a special brand of finesse. With that in mind I’ve prepared a handy list of things to do with your toddler while you’re snowbound. My hope is that it will inspire you to make this the best day EVER!
Things to do with your toddler during a blizzard:
1. Unroll all the toilet paper in your house. Now enjoy an interpretive dance party with your toddler using the toilet paper for streamers. Don’t phone it in, your toddler knows what good dancing looks like. Make like the color guard and smile!
2. Prepare a healthy breakfast. Sit back and watch in awe and affection as your toddler throws it on the floor and wipes it through his hair.
3. Watch Daniel Tiger closely to analyze when and why various characters are or are not wearing pants.
4. Open and then slam closed every drawer in your house repeatedly. Toddlers effortlessly see the magic in this. Why can’t you?
5. Eat yogurt with your baby using your hands as spoons. This is messy and gross but also promotes bonding and nutrition.
6. Repeat steps 1-5, but substitute goldfish crackers for yogurt. Too much dairy can ruin the magic.
7. Watch Calliou with the sound as low as possible so as not to hear his whiny little voice. Mentally transport yourself to a quiet space where Calliou does not exist. Allow yourself to fall asleep with your eyes open while your toddler learns horribly annoying behaviors from Calliou. Sure you will pay later, but you can rest now.
8. Fold some laundry so that your toddler can unfold it immediately. Repeat. Stop after the unfolding of the previously folded laundry has frayed your last nerve. It is time to switch tasks.
9. Press your nose against the window. Harder. Harder. Your toddler will think this is funny. Toddlers are simple.
10. Drop tampons one by one into the toilet bowl and watch them expand alongside your amazed toddler. You will be looking into a body of water, so it will almost be like you’re at the beach.
11. Curse Elsa.
This list should get you to approximately 9:15 a.m. The rest of the day is WIIIIIDE open. What else we got people???
Good luck, everyone!