I bet you woke up with a list of things you needed to do today.
I did, too.
You knew it was ambitious. You had appointments to schedule and bills to pay and yes the bathrooms will get done today!
And sure it will be hard but dammit sometime in between unloading the dishwasher and changing the sheets (how often do people do that anyway?) and emptying the recycling bin you WILL make that phone call to the insurance company that you’ve been needing to do for weeks.
And yes you know you still have a dozen emails to respond to but how will that happen when you have to make it to a meeting by noon?
And I’m guessing that maybe (just maybe) you struggled to get to the dishes first thing, like you meant to.
Maybe a little hand reached for yours (which was reaching for those dishes), wanting for you to pick her up and hold her for awhile. And then she needed a snack and a tickle and a diaper change.
And so the dishes sat there a bit longer than planned because someone else needed you more.
So you got it all done, you see.
And when you decided to do the laundry during her morning nap, 10 shirts into folding you heard a whimper which turned into a cry. So you went and straightened her blanket and rubbed her back and sang her a song. And the shirts remained in their unfinished pile because someone else needed you more.
So you got it all done, you see.
And you got home from work and started to cook dinner, which who has the time between homework and baths, but you saved a recipe from earlier in the week and you picked up the groceries on your lunch break and you were ready.
But math homework was really hard that night and then the little one cut his finger and mom could you review these flash cards with me, after you get the bandaid please??
And so you set aside your recipe and you kissed a bandaid and you called for a pizza and you sat down with the flash cards because someone else needed you more.
So you got it all done, you see.
And on your way to his baseball game you were planning to make a few calls; schedule a physical and that haircut that you keep putting off.
But as you reached for your phone he looked up from the backseat just long enough to catch your eye in the mirror. And you could see that something was on his mind and so you pulled your hand back from your phone and you asked him what was up.
And although he’s often guarded now, he told you about the friend at school who had hurt his feelings at lunch. And you could see in his eyes the welling of tears.
And so you listened and listened and then talked some yourself. And you never made those calls because someone else needed you more.
So you got it all done, you see.
And sometime during the day, in the middle of the things that did and didn’t happen, your breath caught in your throat (for an instant) as you watched your baby (no matter how old your “baby” might be, now) from across the room.
My breath caught too.
He is the best thing you’ve ever seen. And when you look straight at him, he looks straight back.
We got it all done, you see.
This was breathtking. It’s been a tough last few days and this made me cry. Thank you! Beautifully written and something all moms need to see! Sharing on my Facebook page! ❤
Rachael, I’m glad you liked it and I hope it made you feel better about your last few tough days!
Well now I’m ugly crying at 230 am after shuffling my 32 week preggo self to bathroom… again haha. I found this article after Googling “motherhood feels harder than I thought” and I read the article you wrote with the same title talking about your amazing mother ? After that one, I read, “A balanced checkbook” about your mother’s life, her passing, her eulogy and in general the wonderful person that she was remembered to be by so many. What a mom!
Then of course this article came along and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My almost 2 year old son gets so clingy when I cook some nights. It doesn’t matter if his dad/my husband is around. He loves when I hold him and explain what I’m doing to make a meal. The other night making stroganoff I felt relieved that he was content watching tv/playing legos with my husband until he came out to be held. The stroganoff sauce was over bubbling and I got cranky that time that I “had to” hold him when dinner was overwhelming. Not that mentality that I “get to” hold him like I usually try to be.
Fast forward to me crying while my baby girl inside kicks around probably wondering why I’m crying haha. Sometimes I get stressed thinking about the lack of sleep about to happen all over again with a newborn coming soon, but I “get to” rock her and make her feel safe, not “have to”. I “get to” be there when my children need me no matter how hard it can feel sometimes and your article reminded me, I “got it all done today” and to remember that lens when the seemingly important adult chore/errand things want to take over the more important relationship with my family things. Thank you ?