When I was a little girl I took swim lessons, as many little boys and girls do. The way it worked was like this: you started out as a “minnow”, then advanced to guppy, then fish, then Michael Phelps, then shark and so on. There were some basic skills that you needed to master at each level before you could be promoted to the next level. It was a logical progression, and they weren’t exactly requiring excellence from you in order for you to move along. The YMCA wants you to move along, after all. They’re not training Olympians, they’re training non-drowners.
Sadly for the YMCA, I was not to be moved along so readily in my youth. Did I want to advance from minnow to guppy to fish, like all the other little boys and girls? Why of course I did. Was I able to tread water for the requisite 3 seconds in order for me to do so? No, no I was not. It was pathetic, really. I just had no aptitude for it.
Usually, when you see a children’s swimming class, you’ll note that the children are roughly the same age. What you don’t anticipate is seeing, say, an 11 year old who simply CANNOT GET HER SHIT TOGETHER with a bunch of 6 year olds. Unless you were seeing me, circa 1990.
An artist’s dramatization of mixed age swim groups.
Given my own lack of prowess in the water, it seems prudent to start Nolan early. Working in his favor is the fact that he has a significant amount of buoyancy from his thigh-pudge. I’m optimistic that this will serve him well in terms of keeping him afloat, since it will certainly not serve him well in terms of fitting comfortably into swimsuits.
Also in Nolan’s favor is the fact that Brian was a strong competitive swimmer in high school, and he maintains a physique that is much like that of a porpoise. It gives me hope for our son, who does not appear porpoise-like but who at least has the genes for it.
This past weekend we took Nolan to his first swim “class” at the prompting of an old friend and his wife, who were taking their 9 month old son Jack. Given that Jack’s the same age as Nolan and considerably trimmer, we decided a little joint athletic endeavor wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Nolan wasn’t *immediately* on board.
In the interest of self-improvement, however, Nolan worked to improved his attitude. He’s a good sport, that Nolan.
This is “class.” It consisted of a man-boy leader singing some songs while the parents pretty much did whatever they felt like with their babies. I’m not sure what I was expecting for this age group. Light aquatic calisthenics, maybe? A little synchronized swimming for the advanced babies? Not so much.
I really enjoy Nolan’s casual pose here. This was pretty much how he rolled during his lesson.
Except of course when he actually had to engage with the water. His casual attitude dissipated as the reality of what he was being asked to do kicked in.
The classic look of concentration known to champion baby swimmers worldwide.
During these 3-5 minutes Nolan really showed what he was made of. 50% body fat: 50% grit.
First swim lesson, in the bag!
Nolan is “drying off his hair”, although if you will please examine the photos you’ll find that his hair was never wet. He is trying to make it look like he got in a full blown workout. I can’t blame him, I’ve used similar tactics in the women’s locker room at the gym.
Nolan is a fan of Baywatch, and he knows that the key to a successful life is to look good poolside. Nailed it.
Cooling off after some strenuous aquatics.
An additional note on my relationship with pools – When I was about 10 years old, I was running around in my backyard, playing with my friends. It was a sticky day and I was thirsty. Lucky for me there was a hose running, tempting me with streams of cool refreshing water. Little Liz grabbed hold of that hose and drank in several thirsty gulps without pause. Well a pause would have been prudent, because it turns out that the hose was draining out our pool water, which had been stagnant all winter. It drained that algae infested water right into my mouth. In case you’re curious, that will make you VERY SICK. I say this as a cautionary tale, as I’d like for this blog to be periodically helpful while generally being not at all helpful. Drinking pool water from a hose is a seldom discussed danger of pools.
Nolan post-swimming lesson, at a backyard party. More his speed.
Another great post! I love all the pictures… given that the YMCA in Charlestown that we took my nugget to was 3 stories underground (oh the “perks” of city living), the pictures looked more like they were taken in some sort of dungeon… and yes, there’s only so many times you can sing about “speckled frogs” before you start to realize that it should really be called “general water fun” instead of “swim class”.
Haha, I love “general water fun” as an alternative name. That is far more accurate. I bet your photos make your baby look like a badass swimming in the underground dungeon. It will probably yield more street cred than Nolan can get from his pansy suburban above-ground class.
Did the lobster swim trunks fit? I’m guessing you’ll need Vaseline to get him into them… Worth it.
We put him in the lobster trunks the following day, and it reminded me of the time Ross on Friends got stuck in his leather pants and needed to use powder and Vasoline to get out of them. They were tight!! Attractive, though. We will still be using them 🙂
I love all these pictures of Nolan!! I never knew you had issues with swimming, I remember having a blast in your pool though!
Nolan will be the master of Marco Polo soon enough! xoxo
Oh I was the worst swimmer ever! Still am. If you will recall, my pool had no deep end. I could touch the bottom at all times, which is the only way I could be successful.
You’re smart to put Nolie in now. We waited until my son was about five to try a lesson. He was really scared. And as sometimes scared people do he acted like a complete and utter a-hole. He got a report card from the y that said his swimming was fine but that he didn’t demonstrate the y’s core values of respect, kindness etc. Ive never been more tempted to drop him off at the fire station via the baby safe haven program. (Big kid safe haven?)
Oh man this makes me laugh, even though I know you don’t want the YMCA sending home bad reports on their “core values.” They didn’t even go over the core values with Nolie, so if he didn’t adhere to them he really can’t be held responsible.
I absolutely love Nolan’s casual elbow on his father’s shoulder. Best picture ever….errr, in this post anyway. I remember when you and JKH did your triathlon several years back, and you were assigned a specific color swim cap, to flag you as being a “weak” swimmer, someone who needed monitoring. As you indicated, hopefully Nolan inherits his father’s swim genes.
Oh my God, how did I forget that?! YES! They assigned me a cap for triathletes who were most likely to sink! It was only like a 1/4 mile swim, and I trained for MONTHS for that stupid swim, and then as everyone swam past me en masse I just lay there on my back so that I would float and so that I wouldn’t panic. I was the last one to shore.
He’s adorable! I love his head full of hair! Can’t wait until we start our swim lessons
I really thought it would be nice to see his hair splashing in the pool waves, but he never even dunked it in! Kid played it safe on day 1. Maybe this Saturday he’ll go nuts and we’ll see the glory of that hair in chlorinated waters.
Hilarious, as usual. Loving your blog. I just keep on comin’ back. Although, I need to shield the screen from my very bald 6 month old — might damage his psyche to know he is missing out on hair as luxurious as Nolan’s. {{Oh, and I remembered from your recent photography post who first linked me to your blog — it was Kristen Schueler via Facebook! Hi, Kristen! But we’re also mutual friends of Megan Gregory’s. Hi Megan!}}
Christina, I have to shield Nolan’s eyes regularly from the very trim little babies he is so often bombarded with on Facebook. I don’t want him to look down and notice that his belly doesn’t look like theirs. And as much as I tell him that there are many different versions of beautiful, I still worry. I totally get where you’re coming from 🙂 Also small world with the Megan and Kristen connections!
Oh Lord, then my poor boys are screwed — because they are both enormously fat and bald. Both my sons have clocked in at 99th+ percentile for height and weight since birth. Chubby babies unite! (and small world indeed).
The sign of a truly good swimmer is one who preps with a really dirty pool hose or a leftover DD straw. If that doesn’t rev you up then nothing will.
Thanks Mom! That the encouragement Nolie and I need!
I love that full head of hair he has got! His facial expressions really crack me up. I enjoy reading your posts – I myself am still a sinker – cant swim to save my life. Maybe if my parents taught me earlier I would have had a chance – yes I still block my nose if I happen to go under water – but not intentionally – thank you for yet another night of laughs
Cathy – thanks for your nice comment! While I’m sorry you’re a sinker, I’m glad that you are enjoying the blog 🙂