Today I’m over at The Stir discussing the array of moms you’re likely to meet at the beach. It’s a sandy jungle out there ladies…
When you think of a trip to the beach you probably picture a few things: hot sun, white sand, crashing waves, bathing suits. What you might not be thinking about are your fellow beach-going moms, who you’re bound to encounter when you’re soaking up the sun.
Whether you’re in the Caribbean or on Cape Cod, here are 10 Moms you’re likely to meet at the beach:
1. The Skin Care Warden – The Skin Care Warden’s children are coated in a thick layer of white paste. Their wide-brimmed hats serve double duty as umbrellas for surrounding beach-goers, and they’re wearing long-sleeved shirts. The Skin Care Warden may slather a handful of lotion on your child’s back if she doesn’t think you’ve achieved sufficient coverage. She feels this is her duty. Put away your spray bottle, you can’t ensure total protection with your lazy spray lotion and the warden doesn’t want her children breathing in your toxins. You’re basically spraying mace at her family and she doesn’t appreciate it.
2. The Sunbather – The sunbather is the Skin Care Warden’s nemesis. Not only is she “laying out”, but her children fail to be coated in a paste and everybody in her family seems to have a surplus of Vitamin D shooting out of their pores. The Sunbather loves beach season because let’s be honest, nobody looks good pasty. She knows that the time of tanning salons being socially sanctioned has passed, but she still wants to get a little color. So sue her. She is pretty sure that her children are playing safely away from riptides but to be honest she’s not totally sure on account of the fact that she is laying face down so that her back can achieve an optimal bronze.
3. The Nature Enthusiast – The Nature Enthusiast isn’t at the beach to relax with her family; she is at the beach because nature is a classroom and all outings are an opportunity for learning. She is busy studying starfish with her children, so don’t ask her if she wants to borrow a magazine. Nobody ever communed with nature while reading US Weekly.
4. The “Somehow I Look Amazingly Clean and Pretty at the Beach” Mom – This mom is completely in her element. You will see a lot of her on Cape Cod. The “Somehow I Look Amazingly Clean and Pretty at the Beach” mom’s hair is pulled back in a neat ponytail. She has a nice tan and sand doesn’t stick to her even if she rolls in it. She doesn’t sweat although it’s 110 degrees and she’s chasing after multiple small children. Her pedicure is flawless and she is carrying lunch for her family in a trendy tote bag rather than the plastic bags from the grocery store that you’re using. Where the beach makes some of us dirty, sweaty messes, this breed of mom manages to leave the beach cleaner than when she arrived.