Search Terms That Make Me Think The Internet Is Even Weirder Than I Thought

Photo Credit: Christina McPherson

From time to time I make a little hobby of checking out the search terms that people use to find my blog. It’s illuminating and also disturbing, this peek behind the curtains, much like a colonoscopy. Today I’ve updated my list of the most fascinating search terms that have led people to A Mothership Down. Even if you’ve read my earlier ‘search term’ post, there are plenty of new ones mixed in for today!

And they scare me, quite frankly.

Let me say this straightaway: It would be impossible not to notice that a disproportionate number of the search terms leading to me involve boobs. I don’t consider cleavage to be one of my signature topics, but who am I to argue with the internet?

The search terms that are directing traffic my way should probably make me consider that I may be reaching the wrong target audience with the blog. It seems that my mom blog is getting mistaken for erotica. Huh. I’m either doing something wrong or something very, very right. It’s all about perspective, people.

For your enjoyment, here are some of the search terms that have led readers to this blog during the past few months:

• “sexy mom punny natty must sexy Facebook” (This may be my favorite. So much is happening in this one phrase. It’s a riddle wrapped in a rhyme cross-dressing as an enigma.)

• “breakfeeding bobs” (I can’t tell if this is someone seeking porn, or a dude named Bob who is looking for a good diner)

• “hair boy loves photos” (Actually, this does apply to Nolan. Fair game on this one.)

• “does Nicole Eggert remodel houses” (No! Nicole CURTIS is the hot girl who remodels houses. Nicole EGGERT is the hot girl from Charles in Charge. They are basically identical except Nicole Curtis carries power tools. Easy mistake, and glad Nolan and I could help clear this up.)

• “mom circumcised pool” (I got nothing. WTF could this person be searching for?? Maybe she wants a poolside circumcision for her son? I don’t think that’s a thing.)

• “i have new baby, how to look beautiful again?” (You have come to the right place! I looked beautiful AS my baby was being born, and haven’t stopped looking beautiful since! Just look at some of my photos and you will be inspired back to your former beauty.)

• “living in your eyeball” (I never live in my eyeball. Do you guys? Sometimes I live for my stomach but never for or in my eyeball)

• “foot big boobs breastfeeding baby tiger” (A lot of things seem to be happening here. For the record I never have and never will breastfeed a baby tiger.)

• “what to do when u bored for the summer but ain’t no pool” (I ain’t got no pool and I ain’t got no plan for u.)

• “apologizing to your baby’s mother for not being there” (Well, it’s about time.)

• “yeah I feel obligated to remind you what a piece of shit you are” (Well, ok. I try to keep this blog friendly, but if you feel obligated to issue this reminder you must have good reasons. I must say, though, that this doesn’t seem like a search term so much as it sounds like a pure declaration.)

• “thank you for holding back my hair hand sanitizer.” (You’re welcome, random sorority girl.)

• “the reflection of the saying ‘there is nothing more edible than which the ears cannot hear.'” (This may be too deep for me. Anyone else want to take a stab at this one?)

• “Boob milk on panic” (Hmmm. I’m at a loss. Maybe they meant “boob milk at picnic”? Because everyone knows boob milk is popular at picnics.) 

• “Why infant dazzling in sleep” (Not sure about your kid, but mine is dazzling in sleep because he is part unicorn.)

• “we are lazy and we know that pics” (Yes! I like a person who knows who they are, unapologetically.)

• “Fred Geheb” (Hello Fred! Fred is my long-time neighbor and like a second father to me. I have no idea how someone googling Fred’s name got sent to my blog, but I’m sure glad to have you, whoever you are. Unless you’re one of the perverts who is also googling things like “sexy mom punny natty must sexy Facebook.” In which case, beat it, creep!)

• “Does Nicole Curtis stay fit from working hard” (I will ask her. I think so. Do you see how hard she scrubs grout?)

• “does the stomach of a liger ripe to make it die” (Interesting question. Why do you want to know? I’m a little scared as to why you want to know.)

• “Looky at those boobs” (Nothing to see here folks. Move along. You’re barking up the wrong torso.)

• “All boobs” (I get it, Internet, You’re a boob man.)

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