There is a ton of interest in the Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair, and for good reason. This versatile, attractive and well-made high chair is one of the best baby products on the market. Many parents have questions about the ins and outs of the Stokke Tripp Trapp, and in this post I’ll go over…
In an ideal world, all of our children would love to go to school, love to learn, love to work on their reading comprehension and writing skills, and be effortlessly talented with numbers. As a parent, it’s natural to wonder how to get your child interested in school. In reality, kids sometimes dislike studying. And there…
If you have a young kid, you know the appeal of superheroes. In this gift guide I’ll go over the best Spiderman toys for the superhero fan in your life. Spiderman ranks as one of the all-time classics. Kids today are just as into Spiderman as they were decades ago, so it’s no surprise that…
This weekend it struck me: My daughter, who is just a year old, will never know a world where there hasn’t been a woman in the White House. And until the age of 41, I’ve never known a world where there has. My kids will never live in a country where there hasn’t been a…
Dear Santa,
You may already be aware that there is a creepy little Elf running around the country and pretending to work for you. He spies on kids for the sole purpose of ratting them out, which to me is not in the spirit of the holiday. Getting into fist fights at Best Buy on Black Friday -that is in the spirit of the holiday. This Elf character also gets into all sorts of “mischief” and “shenanigans” around the house, like a whimsical Peeping Tom. Please don’t let the whimsy distract you from the peeping.
Seriously. Who is this clown?
I’m not sure who hired this narc. I highly doubt Rudolph had his hooves in this, and according to my sources the Virgin Mary rarely gets involved in reconnaissance. I can only conclude that the Elf is an interloper. He repulses me, Santa, the way that peas repulse me. He is the character form of a pea puree. And he is violating my privacy, much the way my parents violate my privacy with a video monitor. A sound monitor I can understand, but a video monitor? They need to watch me sleep why exactly? I know I look angelic but still, it’s like they’re just trying to be creeps. I bet they love the Elf!
I’m not sure you have time to handle this situation, what with all of your many mall appearances. So I’d like to offer myself up as the “Muscle of the North Pole.” Look at my abs. I think the intimidation factor is clear.
This kid thinks he can take me just because he can bench press a few marshmallows? What a joke.
I will handle the Elf. Give me 2 days. Or give me an aggressive reindeer and we can handle this in one day. Your choice.
Do I look amused?
Try not to lose any sleep over this Santa. I have your back. As long as you have mine come Christmas morning.
Your compatriot,
Nolan
Thank you, Nolan, for FINALLY explaining what elf on the shelf actually is! I’ve been wondering for a while now. Good luck in your quest. Not that you need it.
Nolan doesn’t need luck when he has those abs. But he does appreciate your well wishes!
I think mommies everywhere will appreciate Nolan’s efforts. Who needs another little creature making a mess in the house? I have nephews for that! Ha!
Exactly? Nolan said, and I quote, “ain’t nobody got time for that”.
I wil happily rely on the creepiness factor to avoid doing the Elf on the Shelf, rather than admit that I’d just rather bake cookies. I maintain the right to change my mind at some point, but it’s unlikely. Because, chocolate.
Nolan, I completely and utterly agree with you. He’s totally a creep.
I actually wrote a post myself talking about why I will never get my kid an Elf on the Shelf: http://welleatyouupweloveyouso.com/2014/12/22/why-i-will-never-buy-elf-on-the-shelf/