Terribly

I woke up tense today, the remnants of a terrifying dream close at hand. Something – a dark figure – was coming at a large crowd of us from the distance. I couldn’t make it out exactly, but I knew – we all knew – to run.

And I missed my mom terribly.

It wasn’t until a few hours into the day that I realized it was September 11th.

So many of us are walking around with losses so heavy that sometimes we can’t breathe under the weight of them.

But we keep walking around.

Some of our losses happen in a big public way, like 9/11. Unthinkable personal tragedy and unprecedented national tragedy intertwined, forever.

Other losses happen quietly, in our homes, in our private spaces away from the public.

Sooner or later we all carry the weight. We all miss someone terribly. We all know the terror of a nightmare, and sometimes our nightmares come true.

I’m missing my mom terribly today, because I miss my mom terribly often.

And on this date, I remember that so many people have felt the terror of something coming for them that they couldn’t understand.

That this is the day that too many people started missing their special person.

Terribly.