Kate Middleton, I’ve always liked you.
I mean this – you seem like a regular kind of girl. Like someone I would want to get a beer with. Like someone who would prefer to be wearing sweatpants on the day you eject a human being from your womb, rather than a white and yellow number by Jenny Packham.
(That dress is lovely, by the way).
From one regular girl to another, I just have to say it: How the #$#*%# are you wearing that outfit right now?! Were they doing your makeup during contractions, or did they wait until someone cut the cord? Did you give birth at a salon?
What? How? When?
Every mother knows that for days (DAYS!) after you give birth every trip to the bathroom is a walk limp through a bloody battlefield. Literally. I was constipated, bloated, and tethered to a catheter for a week after delivering, and you just stepped out of a resort, it appears.
I mean, you look fantastic (better than I looked on my wedding day if I’m being honest). But Kate, we all know that nobody in their right mind should have to get done up like that hours after a newborn barreled out the southern exit. It’s just not humane. Forget the royal crown, I’m pretty sure you’re still having flashbacks from the royal crowning.
You deserve a few days off.
Now go take off that WHITE DRESS (seriously, stylists – a WHITE DRESS on the day she GIVES BIRTH? Is that even a joke??) and sit on a bag of ice. Enjoy some granny panties. Don’t even worry about your makeup, because you are lovely and I think you can pull off the natural look for 48 hours without the Royal Palace crumbling.
I can’t imagine that these mesh numbers would sit very well under a form-fitting Jenny Packham dress.
General Public: Give Kate a break! Let her snuggle her baby girl. She’s just evicted a human from the B&B of her womb, remember? She’s earned a day off.
(Congratulations Kate and William!)
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Deb
It’s been 20 and 24 years since I rocked (Ok, waddled) the mesh granny panties. Your article made me laugh and remember. And it also made me wonder why we put so much pressure on celebrities. I hope she sleeps for a week. And at least she has a bunch of servants do hadle the housework (palace work?) and such.
Liz
Deb, I recently waddled in those granny panties, and I have to say that I really love them! And I’m thinking Kate will have some help with the palace work, so I won’t worry too much about her 🙂
Kathy
I agree with Patrizia, and love your article. Thought you totally captured what we all know many, many moms thought when we saw those pics and videos of Kate. In fact, upon first reading I thought you perfectly captured the sentiment without at all sounding catty, jealous or nasty.Lighthearted, humourous and supportive of all moms…including Kate. The world needs more of that! Thank you (and as an aside, my youngest is now 15 and I think I had completely blocked all memories of those panties until I read this…time is my friend!)
Liz
Thanks Kathy, I really appreciate your comment! And yes, you read my tone as I intended it. Just a light-hearted look at what for most people would be a crazy situation to be in (having to look so amazing so fast after delivery)! Kate seems like a class act to me. As for the mesh undies? Where time is your friend, granny panties are my friend….
PureMoon
Just saying that 1-2hours after giving birth I was walking around not hobbling I got ready and once done went back to my daughters and partner. Birth is not nearly as dramatic as you describe it… It definetly can be .. But it isn’t always. And I’m pretty sure this 1-2 days after her daughter was born